I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize