Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
