Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize