Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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