We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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