Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
