youre lurking in front of me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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