I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
