I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
