don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
