I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's rum buckets o'clock
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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