I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
