I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
