So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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