Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is my gift to your gina
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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