I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
