yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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