an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
