I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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