I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize