That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
