Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I only lived at night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
