I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
