Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
