Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
