Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
