One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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