She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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