fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
