fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
