There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
