Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize