doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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