My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
