He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
