I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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