While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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