I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
