She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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