Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
