you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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