you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
