wrigley field is MILF paradise
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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