what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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