So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
