NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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