dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
