get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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