Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He did a backflip because drugs
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