i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
