Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
