I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
