If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
