We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
