I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize