you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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