I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
