I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
