Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
