Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
