my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I will pee on everything he values.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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