Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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