yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
