I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
