I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
