I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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