I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
did i just pee glitter
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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