My underwear smells like fireworks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize