this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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