I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
