Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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