How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
50% drunk capacity currently
This is classic penis vs brain.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
