i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
