awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
