What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
