I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
