You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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