So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I faked an abortion last night.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize