well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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