it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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