you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
