Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i've created a new STD.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
