just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
