Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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