If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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