i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
