Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
