i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
