I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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