I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
