You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
