you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
