Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We're too hungover to prance.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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