What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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