i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
