Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
