You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
