i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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