I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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