Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
