that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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