hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
