I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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