the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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