Whod you bang
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
