Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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